How to Stop Fighting With Your Spouse
Tired of having the same fight with your spouse over and over again?
Try these tips to end the cycle of perpetual conflict.
Hi! I’m Valery, and I’m a couples therapist and marriage counselor in Evergreen, Colorado. I help couples stop fighting and start communicating.
Did you know that over two-thirds of all fighting in relationships is over perpetual problems? That means that almost 70% of the fights you and your spouse have will be over the same argument!
If you're like many of the couples that I work with in couples therapy, that's really frustrating. Especially, if you can't seem to find any solution to these problems.
In today's video, I’m going to teach you how to stop fighting over perpetual problems and how to start moving towards a resolution.
Disclaimer: While I'm a licensed therapist, I'm not your therapist. This video is for educational purposes only. If you're struggling in your marriage, please reach out to a highly qualified licensed therapist for individual guidance and support.
What are perpetual problems?
Perpetual problems are the problems (or fights) in your relationships that seem to come up over and over again. How you spend your money, how you divide the chores, and what you do with your time are examples of perpetual problems.
Perpetual problems never seem to have a resolution, and you and your partner can't stop fighting about them.
The good news is that perpetual problems don’t have to plague your marriage. You CAN learn how to stop fighting with your partner.
To stop fighting with your spouse, try my “Three ‘P’ Approach.”
Step 1: Identify the REAL problem. For most couples, the real problem probably isn’t what you’re fighting about. That’s just the situation. The real problem is how the situation makes you feel and how your partner responds to those feelings.
Step 2: Describe your pattern. Most arguments around perpetual problems follow a pattern. Identifying and understanding your pattern around these problems is key to avoiding gridlock and to stop fighting with your partner. When you and your spouse fight about these issues, what tends to happen first? Next? And then after that? Describe the pattern of your fights and what the cycle of conflict looks like.
Step 3: Take responsibility for your part. Resolving conflict in your marriage means accepting accountability for the role you play in creating or escalating the fight. What role do YOU play in creating and continuing the conflict pattern in your relationship? Once you understand your part or your role, you can change your response and stop fighting with your spouse FOR GOOD.
Are you struggling to change the conflict pattern with your partner?
Does it feel like you just can’t stop fighting with your spouse?
If so, consider reaching out to a qualified couples therapist to help you navigate these difficult conversations. You don’t have to do this on your own.
Interested in couples counseling in Colorado?
At Evergreen Counseling and Wellness, we offer couples therapy and marriage counseling online and in Evergreen, Colorado.
If you and your partner struggle with conflict, couples counseling can help. If you’re ready to take the next step to heal your marriage and repair your relationship, reach out. We’re here for you.
